EXTRA, EXTRA: Descobri pq as pessoas desistem de malhar na academia



Oba, entrei na academia! Pela terceira vez entro na academia. Eu desisti no meio do caminho nas duas últimas vezes que entrei na academia... Mas hoje eu descobri o motivo pelo qual as pessoas começam animadas, mas nunca mais volta.

Na verdade, rola uma mensagem subliminar na parada, sabe. Quando você menos espera, sente um sono descomunal ou uma dorzinha na coluna que te impede de malhar. Lembre-se: se você não faz parte da corja, não é bem vindo no templo do culto ao corpo.

Sempre dá uma mega-master-ultra-vergonha no primeiro dia de malhação. Tudo por causa deles, oras, que exibem aqueles corpos esculturais e oprimem você somente com o olhar (vide foto). Guenta as pontas, guria: isso só acontece quando você é novidade.

Repare: os saradões andam em bando e sempre há um líder, que fala mais alto e parece ser amigo de todo mundo. Identificou? Outra tática para te expulsar do templo. Eles querem mais é que você se sinta sozinho e dê o fora dali.

Mas a pior estratégia – e a mais baixa - é a do vestiário. Até você, menina pura, que só entra no recinto para guardar seus apetrechos e nunca, sob nenhuma hipótese, toma banho lá pode ser vítima. É a tática “mulheres peladonas em ação”. Sem pudor nenhum, elas mostram as peitcholas e as periquita e, como vieram ao mundo, passam creme Victoria Secrets, secam seus cabelos, conversam sobre forno e fogão... Mas o pior ainda está por vir: quando você acostumar o seu cérebro a não mais enxergar corpos nus, apenas cabeças flutuantes, alguma delas pegará um pacotinho rosa e, com a calcinha no meio das coxas, colocará o absorvente. Dúvida? Eu vi, com meus próprios olhos, essa cena digna de filme de terror ontem. Fui embora de maca, claro...

Mas aguente firme: quando você sentir a sua barriga menos flácida e correr ao invés de andar, você estará apta a fazer parte da corja – e, sem perceber, mostrará a celulite da sua bunda despida para a sua “amiga de treino”, também despida.

94 comentários:

MALU, SIMPLES ASSIM disse...

Hahahaha, adorei! Eu também desisti da academia várias vezes, até que comprei uma esteira e pesos para praticar em casa... Mas em Portugal é beeeem mais fácil, porque o pessoal não tem esse culto exagerado ao corpo. No meu ginásio, como dizem por aqui, tem gordo, velho, mulher com celulite, enfim, um mundo normal. O único problema é uma mulher de uns 40 e poucos (daquelas que se vestem com se tivessem 19, sabe?) que adora desfilar de fio-dental no vestiário...
Bjs.

susi disse...

Fantástico!! e achei que só eu me sentia deslocada nesse meio hahahah...

Lucy Lane disse...
Este comentário foi removido pelo autor.
Lucy Lane disse...

Academia é um local engraçado... é tipo uma experiência antropológica. Agora essa questão dos pudores... haha realmente neh. Ninguém merece ver as partes intimas dos outros.
Bjos
Lu

Tessa disse...

caracaaaa
nunca pensei sob esse aspecto...
mas o q me desmotiva mesmo é q eu odeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeio suar... aff... roupa grudada, fedor... blerght...
preciso tomar jeito... e p mim naum tem época melhor d malhar q no inverno... acho terrível academia no verão... lotada de pessoas lesadas q acham q vão perder 30kg em 1 mes...

bjs,

Tessa.

Luíza Maria Hollanda de Mello disse...

eu sempre tenho de fato a impressao de estar no lugar errado

Fernanda disse...

hahahhahhah, sobre este aspecto

Leo disse...

Olha, tem um outro problema. Além de sentir a pressão de ver todo mundo com o corpo em forma no começo, vc percebe com o passar do tempo que nunca será igual eles, por mais que tenha melhorado sempre vai faltar um pouquinho que vai te distanciar daquele grupo.

O pior é que vc sabe que se parar volta a ser como antes

Rafa disse...

Oie, recebi um selo, e como é de costume sempre indicar alguém, te indiquei.. Depois passe lá!

Beijocas!

Gisele Moura disse...

Eita aqui na terrinha, mundo pseudo-desenvolvido, a galera não tem pudor na academia.

Para começar o povo se veste para ir a malhar lixo... É só malhar mesmo então, e vai suar vão de mendigo que dá.Se brincar vão de sandália papete. Já vi gente indo malhar de quase calça cargo de sarja. E olha que roupa para esportes aquei é baratíssimo. Em brasília eu ia as seis e meia só tinha eu o instrutor e uma senhora de blusa de pijama. Pasmem e eu já achava estranho. Mas não dava bola.

A galera que vai para aulas de exercícios aerobicos como bodycombat, powerstep etc... Ui... Deus nos livres. Ritmo é o que falta, normal. Eu diria que o currupira com dois pés esquerdos é mais hábil.Sem contar que a academia compra os pacotes mas nem sabe do que se trata não fazem divulgação.

Banheiro... Putz...Nem fala Tem a tal da sauna. Que é literalmente peladão... e que eu nunca vou. Seja mista ou dividida só pode ser pelado, como se veio ao mundo. E como aqui os vestíários são imensos...a galera vem transita dos boxes com vaso sanitário para o Chuveiro passando pelos armários que são longuíssimos peladão... tão nem aí.ada mais chato do que ficar vendo a nudez de quem vc não tem a menor intimidade. Sem contar a multidão de piercings em lugares que vc nunca quis ver. E as calcinhas string? E elas colocam a calça cintura baixíssima com um triangulo de calcinha aparecendo lá na cintura com um cordão saindo dele... Dizem que é sexi...Argh Eu acho que deve doer. Dificil e caro é achar uma calcinha box tipo trifill ou Liz . E essas coisas somos obrigados a ver até na rua.E essa experiencia no verão se estende para a rua com a galera pegando sol na hora de almoço nos parques. Ninguém merece.

Ahh tem mais, tente alugar uminstrutor como a gente faz no Brasil nos primeiros dias para montar o circuito. Tipo fazer a avaliação, se você fizer isso por mais de 10min ele vai te passar um cartão, dizendo que ele é personal trainning e que vc paga x euros por hora dentro da academia para ele fazer isso... Ops mas ele é funcionário da academia, não???

Cris eu sinceramente, prefiro a experiencia brasileira. Ela é muito menos constrangedora.

Ah fatou falar da roupa dos intrutores e vendedores mas já que isso vai virar um post no meu blog eu comento lá... Beijão.

Luluca disse...

até quem fim alguem soube me falar com pontos e virgulas porque eu nao fico mais do que 3 meses numa academia!!!

Tula disse...

Hahahahhahahaha...
Noooossa!!!! E te um amigo que contou uma história no vestiário...hum...melhor deixar em off!! rs!
Mas adoro este blog!
Bjss...

Gisele Moura disse...

Cris, Grá e Lucy, deixei um selo para vocês. Lá no meu blog. Bjim.

Não Somos Apenas Rostinhos Bonitos disse...

Nossa, adoramos!!!!!!

Nai Romero disse...

Hahaha!!!

Muito bom, aliás, muito bem explicado.

Adorei o blog de vocês...

Ah sim, só me diz uma coisa, não era absorvente interno não né? rs

=*

Aninha disse...

Nossa, esse post foi d+!! Descobri o blog no site da Gisele, Eu na Austria e achei superdescolado!!!
Sempre me senti uma andróide no meio daquele submundo da fisiocultura, mas a gente precisa levantar a cabeça, sem olhar pros lados e fazer a nossa parte.
Eu também voltei pra Gym no mês passado, depois de quase 1 ano sedentária e com muitos quilos a mais...Tive um probleminha de saúde e agora estou de molho até abril!! Pra superar isso, só comendo meus chocolatinhos...rsrs
Quanto ao vestiário feminino, também já vi cada coisa!! Até mulher usando secador na periquita, pode?! Disgusting!! rsrsrsrs

Zingara disse...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Resisto bravamente a academia e evito os vestiários ao máximo! Post de utilidade pública....

Gabriela Gonçalves disse...

Tipo assim, eu fiz um post falando sobre a academia.. hahaha...
Menina, um conselho, contrata um personal, eu ainda faço parte dos excluídos, mas já já entro pro clube das gostosas... Dá uma lida lá para você ver o meu martírio.. hahaha
bju

Chris - da Chria disse...

hahahahahaha...
você disse tudo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PARABÉNS!
também já parei e comecei algumas vezes...é esta história mesmo - eu achei o máximo!
Hoje faço yôga - é mais fácil...
bjo,bjo
Chris

livia barbareso disse...

oie visite meu blog...
liviabarbareso.blogspot.com
bjossssss

Leci Irene disse...

Ora pois... é por isso que na minha última tentavia, no ano passado, resolvi o seguinte: quando der vou caminhar, correr... e depois volto para a academia, só para "trocar figurinhas" com o pessoal. Eita gente boa!

Leci Irene disse...

Ora pois... é por isso que na minha última tentavia, no ano passado, resolvi o seguinte: quando der vou caminhar, correr... e depois volto para a academia, só para "trocar figurinhas" com o pessoal. Eita gente boa!

Débora disse...

Eu sei exatamente do que vc esta falando, tb já dessisti algumas vezes da academia por me sentir de outro planeta. O cúmulo foi o dia em que uma menina estava usando uma calça branca e de tão transparente conseguia ver nitidamente a tatuagem que ela tinha na bunda (claro que ela estava de top), sem contar aqueles homens que ficam levantando pesos olhando no espelho, as vezes eles mandam beijos para os músculos rs. Sempre faço piadas mentalmente, tentando imaginar em que motel eles irão... sozinhos claro... pq só falta isso mesmo: eles se comerem. Por isso evito algumas coisas, sala de musculação, por exemplo. Acabo fazendo só as aulas: local, step, bike, etc. Acho que o esforço é válido.

Ana disse...

Amei teu post!

Divertidíssimo e verdadeiro!

Linkei no meu blog!
:)

Anônimo disse...

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